"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
Helen Keller
I have a fear of deep water. "Deep" would be defined as any water that, when I’m standing in it, comes up above my shoulders - and I get a little anxiety ridden once it passes my waistline. Yes, I can swim. I took swimming lessons at the "Y" when I was a kid, and I took them again as an adult at one of the Dallas Community Colleges. I swim quite well, in fact - in 3 feet of water. Get me in anything too much deeper and watch the metamorphosis. It’s like an out of body experience. I want to enjoy the water, but some dark mist creeps up and tells me to panic! I’m working on it - and making progress, I might add.
Some fears can be a good thing. They give you a healthy warning when something is not right - like someone following you home in the dark at night and you can "feel" them behind you. That’s a good kind of fear to have.
We all have fears - some are not so healthy. In the past few years, I’ve begun to recognize some stupid and very unhealthy fears I’ve had (beyond my aquaphobia), and I’ve started to shake them off. Something as seemingly mild as worrying far too much about what someone thinks about something I say or do. At some point, you have to find a way to trust yourself.
Sometimes you just have to push through a fear to start to beat it. In fact, there isn’t a better way to beat a fear than to face it. Go toe to toe. Get in that fear’s face. Bring it!
Some years ago, I had no agent and I had never been published (I have now been published once under another name). I had sent query after query after query to one agent after another. I had gotten close several times - but nothing. I had entered a manuscript contest and gotten some real interest from agent judges, and even some big editor judges - but still, nothing concrete.
There was a certain writer’s conference that I heard all about. The conference provided opportunity for pitching and face-to-face meetings with big agents and editors, and lots of writers with whom I could network. A lot of successes came out of that conference. I knew I could sell my work if I could just get 10 minutes of someone’s time. There was only one problem - it was the Maui Writer’s Conference, which is in (you guessed it) Maui.
Wow! Beautiful location, you might say. Wonderful trip to a lovely island to pitch your work. Pitch all day, drink mai tais all night. Awesome! Except for one thing - the largest body of water on the planet stood between me and that conference - the primordial sea - the great Pacific. I was already a nervous flyer (not phobic, but mildly nervous), and I would have to fly across the Pacific. No, I wouldn’t have to be in it (I hoped), but flying over it would be more than nerve-wracking for an aquaphobe like me. How could I do that?
Then I’d have more than my work cut out for me once I got there - cold pitching to folks I met at the conference, and reserved pitch sessions I paid for; but, I believed this was the way to get my work in front of the right people. I knew I had to try.
So, I booked my flight, reserved my room, paid for the conference and did a lot of deep breathing meditation before getting on that plane at LAX. I pulled the shade down on the airplane window and I didn’t look out when we took off. Once we got up to 30,000 feet (or whatever altitude) I discovered something interesting - you can’t tell the difference between the horizon and ocean - it’s all a big blue blur; but, I didn’t look out the window much after that. I watched the movie they had on the plane. I read. I wrote in a journal. It was 5 hours of me diverting myself from the thoughts of what was below me (about 30,000 feet below me).
I made it. The plane landed in Maui, no sweat. I took a little bus to the hotel, checked in, and I studied and practiced my pitch again and again. The next day I was ready. I went at it for 4 days - pitching to agents and editors. There was a lot of nice interest in my book; but, one agent in particular seemed to really "get" my work. I felt a connection with her (which I couldn’t have done through the usual query process). She wanted more pages. A month and a half later, she offered me representation and she’s been my agent ever since.
I flew across the biggest ocean on the planet, because I was determined not to be afraid - of the water, of rejection, of making a complete idiot out of myself in front of strangers, of failure, of anything. There was nothing about that trip that was easy. I was damn near broke from the expense, and I had to face my biggest fear and a lot of my smaller ones, too; but I got an agent - a really good one.
You can do it - whatever it is you dream of - you can do it. Take a deep breath, focus on the goal and don’t think about the depth of that ocean underneath you. The plane will land just fine - no sweat. Never give up on your dreams. If nothing else, you can be proud of your guts and determination. Remember: "Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
Polla Filia,
J.F.
No comments:
Post a Comment